And I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Sorta. My JTEs (Japanese English Teachers) want me to help out three students picked to do some kind of speech contest. Happily, Interac told me to tell them that they had to go through Interac to do that, so I didn't have to have any meetings and figure out schedules and crap like that. Thank the gods. Japanese people will not only beat a dead horse, but they'll fucking pound it so deep into the pavement it'll never get washed out. Christ on a stick I swear to God.
I am going to tell you about my immensely non interesting day now. Feel free to zone out. I went to school early as per my usual. I like to sit there and feel stupid during the morning meetings. Plus I'm always for some reason ridiculously hopeful that the teachers I'm teaching with for that day will tell me they want me to do something. Never mind if it's last minute and I have no planning period, at least they would acknowledge my existence outside of the classroom. Silly me, to hope for such things. My first class was as boring as it usually is. I read out loud and the students repeated after me, and then they giggled while I made faces and animal noises the rest of the time when the teacher was lecturing. Then I told them the answers to their worksheets. Just because. This was my second year class - the eighth grade. Then came my two third year - ninth grade - classes. And I think my JTE, Mr. Scowly Face, had his panties twisted around that stick up his ass, because he was in a mood today.
Oh, I intend to tell you about it. He doesn't actually take me to the classes when they start like my other JTEs. You know, they come and get you at your desk and you walk with them to the classroom. No. He goes ahead without me, and I have to track him down, because none of my JTEs communicate with each other, especially not about my schedule, and so whatever class is written on it is usually wrong. So I walked into the classroom and he sorta nodded at me. And then he didn't look at me again. At all. He didn't even have me read aloud and them repeat. I did not speak until it came time for them to work in their workbook. And then I told them the answers just to piss him off. Next class was more of the same. He did not look at me. He did speak to me towards the end when he told me to go find some girl named I forget what and talk to her about the speech contest. Like I know who she is and where she is and he was already informed he had to go through Interac about that. So I killed him horribly in my imagination. For about the fifth time. And that was only third hour. And then I was done.
And now? I'm FREEEEEEEE!
Let's see, my life since my last email......is pretty much the same as whatever was in my last email. I don't remember it, but I don't actually do much. I go to school and work and wish I could kill things, and then I come home and proofread crappy manuscripts and fantasize about killing things and then on weekends I kill things. In Devil May Cry 3, relax. Though last weekend I did go and see Indiana Jones with Tom and Wade (hi!) and though it was...horribly cheesy and bad in some places it was really very entertaining in others.
The weekend before that I got slightly drunk with Tom and Reed (hi again!) and a couple of really nice and now really poor Japanese guys. They were molested by several fifty year old drunk Japanese women. Which amused me no end.
This was a nice break in my own monotony.
I've kept a journal at my schools for when I'm not doing anything. Really it's just for my middle school, since my two elementary schools keep me hopping all day and then I go home and die. Here for you is a snippet. A peak into the inner realms of my insanity. Random lines from random entries. You know you're curious:
I ama cactus. Am a is two words. Are.
I like pie.
There is a robot speaking out of the speaker phone. It said helicopter. That's all I understand. It said it twice. Maybe a helicopter is coming with giant radioactive waste and will dump it on the school and melt all the fat teachers and turn all the students into my own army of undead rabid middle school students. I bet I could take over the world with one of them. If they didn't eat me first.
I want more coffee.
Why does the drip coffee here taste like old man ass? There seriously isn't enough sugar in the world, I think. Thank the gods for instant. It may burn holes in my stomach, but at least it tastes like it's supposed to.
Mr. Piggy is so cute I could squish him to death.
"There's a hole in the bottom of the sea!"
And all the water drained out and the world dried up and we all died. Except for the cockroaches. Which evolved. Spontaneously. And became a race of highly advanced super beings with superior technology and intelligence, able to explore and conquer space and time. Though they were still nasty.
My sleeves are unbuttoned because my arms are fat.
Ah. Next hour is almost here. And here I shall go quietly and passively to my doom and face the raging despair with bravery and aplomb. and soiled undies.
...
I am a performing monkey. You would think these kids would get tired of bungee jump, but no. Everywhere I go "show me bungee jump please?" I'm going to teach them death by shotgun. Just to break the monotony.
I am a lion. Roar.
I am happy in my jacketlessness. However I have shed the shackles of the uptight and the stuffy only to be brought low by the conservative and the traditional. And the 80s. Woe woe and cry woe again for the fields of decay and hopelessness in the land of Japanese fashion! The black sparkly awesomeness of this pen does little to express the darkness that lies within the hearts and minds of hideously redesigned furniture upholstery. Pity and sorrow and understanding of their pain, not even these can reach through the depths of such a great pit of despair.
I'm so bored bored bored and I have to pee. One more class. But first! To pee!
...
Someday I shall be useful. and they will look upon me with eyes just discovering of greatness and respect and friendship and they will say with lips free of frowning and displeasure that she, yes she is one not meant to be shut away from the light, banished to the darkness of the corner, nay bring her out! Bring her out to dance and laugh and contribute to the lives of those of us who were once ignorant of her uses, who once scorned and ignored her, for we repent! Our minds have been opened like a cold flower after a glimpse at the beauty of the sun and we see now! We see how wonderful she is! And I? I shall raise my mighty fists, holding my mighty chainsaw, and I shall laugh and hack them to bits regardless!
My coffee is all gone again. I wonder if they would frown at me if I got up to get more? Even though I just did? Ah, fuck 'em.
And that is pretty much what I do in my free time. At work anyway. My middle school makes me want to hurt people. Usually my JTEs. Because they're fat and they smell like moldy cheese and they just won't die when I want them to and really, that's just rude.
And this is now too long, so I shall go away and leave you with your thoughts. Should you have a brain left if you actually read any of that up there. I can assure you with absolute certainty that I do not in fact have any brain left. I'm pretty sure several of my students captured and ate it after it sawed its way out of my skull and ran away screaming like a little girl. Poor brain.
Aside from that, my life is normal and mundane and yes occasionally fun and exciting. Especially when I go out jogging at night and I would swear yakuza keep houses out here and watch me when I go by their houses. No one's shot me yet though. So maybe I'm just being paranoid. Or they are. I am a creepy gaijin (foreigner).
How is everyone else doing? My summer plans include but are not limited to: going somewhere that is not higashi fucking matsushima. I would also like for someone to mail me my little sister.
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