Recently I had the opportunity to see a new movie out called Haywire. My sister insisted we go because she has a slight, stalkeresque crush on Channing Tatum. And the previews made it look like it would be a good action flick. I’m all for stuff exploding. And I’m not exactly immune to Channing Tatum myself.
There are of course other actors, including Ewan McGregor (Star Wars episodes 1-3) and Michael Fassbender (X-Men First Class), as well as the main character, starring relatively unknown Gina Carano. But my sister and I went, pretty much, for explosions and Channing Tatum.
At this point I would give you a summary of the movie without spoilers, and then tell you what worked for me and what didn’t in terms of characters, plot, action, and overall story. Instead you get this: Channing Tatum was in exactly three scenes, and those were the most interesting scenes of the entire movie, because at least you had something pretty to look at (guys who find Gina Carano pretty will of course enjoy more of the movie). And that was the extent of my interest.
For the other 90% of the movie, I have no clue what happened because at some point my sister and I started watching Netflix on my phone (we were the only ones in the theater so no hate mail) and googling pictures of Channing Tatum shirtless. Then we walked out when it became quite clear that we had seen his last scene (I won’t spoil it as to why in case someone out there actually wants to go watch this thing still).
I will say this. The fight scenes were pretty freaking awesome. Gina Carano is an actual women’s MMA (mixed martial arts) fighter, and her kick-butt was realistic and hardcore. As someone who was in martial arts of various forms for several years, I can be something of a snob when it comes to fight scenes, but I’ll admit this movie did it right.
I can’t really complain about anything in particular, other than the move was pure boredom with some bits of pretty and action thrown in. Like real candy sprinkles on a mud pie. The acting was good, the story had potential (who doesn’t like spy movies?), and...well that’s all really. It would have been a lot better had the director decided if he wanted to make an action film or an art film. Mixing the two didn’t work so well.
Thus. I cannot in good conscience recommend this movie to anyone. Though I can say that if Gna Carera decides to do more action movies, I will definitely watch them--unless they’re directed by Steven Sodderbergh. And then I’ll wait for video. Because it’s hard to fast forward in a movie theater.
